Category Archives: Depression

Why Aren’t We Talking About Miscarriage?

Mark ZMark Zuckerberg announced on Friday that he and his wife Priscilla Chan are having a baby girl. In the midst of the happy announcement, he spoke of the emotional pain of suffering three previous miscarriages.

Zuckerberg candidly talked about the loneliness that he and his wife endured during the pregnancy.

“Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this, so you struggle on your own.” wrote Zuckerberg on his Facebook post.

Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg for bringing attention to the issue of grief and loss accompanied by miscarriage. His high-profile post creates safety for others to share their stories and in turn reduced the stigma of pregnancy loss.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 10-25% of all pregnancies will end in miscarriage. 50-75% of all miscarriages are chemical miscarriages (early stage of pregnancy before it can be detected by ultrasound).

Miscarriage is traumatic. I know this on a personal level because I too have had a miscarriage. Most women undergo the feelings of grief and loss after a miscarriage. It’s well-documented that women who have experienced pregnancy loss can also get “postpartum depression”. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, about 11 percent of women who had a miscarriage suffered from major depression following the event. There is no doubt that women who have experienced pregnancy loss need additional support from family, friends and medical community.

Since miscarriage is common and the emotional consequence is serious, why aren’t we talking more about it openly? Stigma – miscarriage is a taboo topic for many people. Many people are not comfortable hearing about it. Most do not know how to respond when someone tells them about miscarriage, and therefore we don’t want to burden our loved ones with the sad news when we experience the loss.

Another reason we don’t talk about miscarriage is that traditionally it is thought of as a “woman issue.” Society holds women responsible for everything related to child birth. When a woman experiences a miscarriage, our society doles out implicit blame that it’s somehow the mother’s fault. Women internalize this message, and may subconsciously blame themselves for the loss. Why would women speak up when we are the blame for the misfortune? Why would men listen when it’s thought of as a “woman issue”? It may sound sexist, but it’s also a reality.

Mark Zuckerberg’s post brings awareness to four things; 1) miscarriages happen often, 2) miscarriage is emotionally painful, 3) this emotional pain affects both men and women and 4) we need to talk about it. Throughout times women talk among themselves about the pain of miscarriage, but there can’t be meaningful discussions and true compassion for this frequent pain until more men join in the conversation. And I am glad we are heading to the right direction.

(Image source: Facebook)

 

Mabel Yiu is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in girls’ and women’s mental health at the Women’s Therapy Institute in Palo Alto, CA. You can reach her at mabel@womenstherapyinstitute.com for more tips or tools, or schedule an online appointment.

4 Ways For Girls and Women To Manage Anxiety

Women AnxietyJessica is having trouble concentrating in her math class because she is getting very little sleep at night. She lies awake for hours worrying about why her best friend doesn’t talk to her anymore, whether everyone is looking at her funny, whether she will bomb the math test tomorrow, whether her parents are really going to divorce, and other catastrophic what-ifs.

Tara seems to have the “perfect” life with a home, career and children that she adores yet she feels overwhelmed. Now her things are not getting done and she doesn’t laugh as often anymore. She doesn’t sleep much and when she does, she often wakes up heart pounding and palms sweaty, thinking she is going crazy and fearing “her perfect life won’t last”.

From the time a girl reaches puberty until late adulthood, she is twice as likely to have anxiety as a man. While men are not immune to anxiety, men and women’s differences in brain chemistry and hormonal levels in different life stages may be pieces of the puzzle as to why women are more vulnerable to anxiety during stressful events.

If you or your daughter experiences anxiety, there are things to do about it.

  • Allowing Anxiety: Forcing yourself or your child not to worry or minimize the anxious feelings can create even more anxiety. It can be defeating when those worries just won’t go away. We need a healthy dose of worrying to keep us safe or get things done; it has a purpose so we don’t want to eliminate it completely. Since it serves a function, it’s important to take anxiety seriously and allow it’s existence so we can shift it to our benefits.
  • Relaxation Skills: Breathing and visualization helps you calm down when you are agitated. Relaxation techniques need to be age-appropriate and don’t have to be boring. Some can even be done while you are in the middle of a task. For teens, there are apps such as Breathe that can help.
  • Movement: It’s understandable that when you are anxious, the last you want to do is to get out of bed. It may seem cumbersome but setting a goal to do something as simple as walking around the block can work wonders. Sometimes staying indoor with the blinds closed may affect your circadian rhythm (aka. body clock), which can disrupted your sleeping pattern. Going outside and getting some sun and air can help “reset” your body clock so you can sleep better at night, feel more refreshed the next day, and have better mood.
  • Talk to a licensed therapist who is in tuned with teen and women’s issues, and values whole-health approach. A good therapist is able to listen, teach relaxation techniques, and tailor a therapeutic plan that best fits you. The first session is usually paperwork and getting to know each other, so give it a few sessions before deciding whether the therapist is right for you.

While nobody’s life is completely worry-free, but anxiety can be manageable and it doesn’t have to control your whole life. You don’t need to do this alone.

Mabel Yiu is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in girls and women’s mental health at the Women’s Therapy Institute in Palo Alto, CA. You can reach her at mabel@womenstherapyinstitute.com for more tips or tools, or schedule an online appointment.

Header image credit: Huffington Post