Tag Archives: self-care

Why women should eat more ginger

There is this amazing spice— and “superfood”—readily available to all of us that many are not eating—ginger. It is loaded with nutrients that are great for our minds and bodies. And the best part is its sold in the produce sections of almost every grocery store. No need to go to a health food store. 

You can add it to a dish or crush some up to add to your tea or smoothie. Its spicy flavor can add a little zing or be muffled by other flavors, but regardless the benefits are undeniable. It is high in gingerol, a powerful anti-inflammatory and antioxidant, making it a great addition to any diet.

The real superfood

Here are just some of the reasons why women, in particular, should be eating more ginger:

1.) It is a powerful immune boosting tool, inhibiting the growth of bacteria. It can help with treating colds and other viruses.

2.) It can be used as an anti-nausea— popular for pregnant women — and can assist in digestion. 

2.) Its anti-inflammatory properties make it useful in treating muscle aches and pains.

3.) It has been proven to help lower blood sugar and improve heart disease risks.

4.) When taken at the beginning of a menstrual period, it can help to reduce cramps and bloating.

5.) The powerful antioxidant properties in ginger have been shown to help protect against age-related damage to the brain and improve brain function in older women.

Bottom-line if there are any dietary changes you plan on making, this is definitely one to consider especially as we are in the midst of cold and flu season. 

Source: Healthline.com

*Disclaimer: This article is not intended to act as therapy or to treat or cure an illness. Always consult a medical doctor or qualified licensed healthcare professional before making changes to your diet. 

‘I just want someone to love me’

“I just want someone to love me.” Let’s think about this phrase for a minute. I hear it quite often. 

While it might seem harmless on the surface, is it really? It’s true—everyone does want to be loved. Everyone wants to feel cared for, appreciated, and truly madly loved. But this method of thinking about it is dangerous. This thought process could be what is leading some of us into bad relationships. 

We are thinking we want this one thing so badly that we are losing touch of the process of connecting with another. We are losing ourselves. We are desperate to be loved by another that we are jumping into any old relationship and staying in it—whether we are happy or not — because we want to feel loved. We want to be loved. 

Fill your own bucket

Are you relying on someone else to fill your bucket? What about you? What about your goals, your hopes, and dreams, the stuff that makes you special. You need to work on filling your own bucket and finding that love inside you so you are not so reliant on others. Learn to love yourself. It can be a difficult thing to do but it is crucial to your happiness. The only person you can ever truly rely on in life is yourself. You need to take care of you, to trust in yourself so that you can find that true connection with another. 

It is amazing what can happen when we love ourselves. The relationships we get into are healthy ones, they are beneficial to us and truly meaningful. They are not born out of desperation or need but rather true attraction and connection. So rather than relying on others, we need to start relying on ourselves. Fill your bucket. Do what you need to do for you before you go hunting for love. 

An ode to the Indian women standing up for their rights

You have probably seen it in the news, on January 1 in Kerala, India 5 million women formed a wall with their bodies for the right to enter a Sabarima temple. It is something that we should feel proud of as women. It is proof that we are strong and when we stand together powerful things can happen.  

These 5 million women demanded respect. They want to see an end to violent agitations against any women trying to enter the temple. They stood up for what they believe in — and for that I congratulate them. We all know it is hard to be a woman in this world but every day we see women coming together asserting their rights and freedoms. 

It takes guts. There is no doubt about that. But, the only way we are going to see change in this world is to stand up for it. We can’t just sit back and ignore the way we are treated. We can’t brush it off and stand by as if we have no choice. We do have a choice. We can turn our heads to disrespect and we can demand equal treatment. 

We may not be in India but this is a lesson for us all. We deserve the same rights, the same access as any man. And if we stop being complacent big things can happen. We can show the world just how strong we are. 

I congratulate these women — all 5 million of them — for standing up for what they believe in. And, I encourage you to embrace this example of unity. Use it as motivation in your own life to stand up for what you believe in, and to be your beautiful, unique self. Don’t let anything get in your way. 

People-Pleasing Versus Generosity

Do not mistake the two. They might seem similar but they are far from it. There are some big differences between people-pleasing and being generous with people.

People-pleasing is an unintentional behavior that often leads to avoidance, anxiety, resentment. It is full of fear of rejection and potential judgment of others. It comes from a place of wanting to fit in, to not make others mad, and to come off as someone different than we are. People-pleasing is often a factor in low self-confidence and feeling like we “have” to do something in order to make others like us.

Being generous comes from the heart. It is intentional. It is something we want to do. It is an action done not by trying to fill a void but because we genuinely enjoy doing it. 

People-pleasers are the ones who never say “no.” They often stretch themselves so thin that they have nothing left for themselves or for the things they really do want to do. This behavior often leads to an unhealthy lifestyle, and the placing of “self-care” on the back-burner indefinitely. People-pleasers rarely show their true feelings. They always have a smile on their face.

People who act out of generosity live a more fulfilled life. They feel good about the things they are doing. They don’t feel like they need or deserve, anything in return because the real return is in the value of what they are doing. 

So, while being generous and people-pleasing can both be seen as acts of kindness on the surface one is a healthy action while the other can lead to a toxic lifestyle. Make the decision to change your people-pleasing ways and live a happier, calmer life. Make 2019 the year of you. Do what makes you feel good. Be yourself, stop pretending, and appreciate you for all the beautiful things about who you are.

Let’s end the habit of decoding other people

Imagine a life that didn’t revolve around what you think another person is thinking. Or what you think another person wants or expects from you. It’s called people-pleasing and let’s make the conscious choice to end the habit. 

Imagine how less stressed and overwhelmed you would feel if you didn’t put so much energy into making sure everyone else is happy. There is a difference between doing things out of the goodness of your heart and doing things just to “look good.” Rather let’s stop hiding behind our fears of potentially upsetting someone, or not coming off as “perfect” as we think others should see us — and be ourselves. 

Ending people-pleasing means more time for ourselves. It means less worry over the upcoming get-together, the side dish you are bringing to dinner, the outfit you want to wear because it’s comfortable. When you do things because you truly want to do them they leave you feeling good, whereas a life of people-pleasing generally makes us feel resentful, bitter, and stressed. People-pleasing keeps us up at night. It makes us dread events, meetings, occasions that don’t have to cause us stress. 

Let’s start by being more self-aware. When you feel overwhelmed, stressed reevaluate the reasons why you feel that way, chances are much of it is because of the intense energy you are putting into pleasing others. Recognize what you need to do for yourself and stand up for you. It is ok to say “no” if something is stressing you out. It is ok to not perform an action in the exact way someone else expects you to. It could be as simple as choosing to not answer the phone or staying home to read a book instead of attending a party. 

True love doesn’t mean healthy love

I understand true love. The intense feelings you can have for another. That whole, complete kind of love. But, I also understand healthy love and the two can look very different. 

Emotions vs. Behaviors

There is a big difference between emotions and behaviors. Emotions are what we feel on the inside, while behaviors are our actions. You can be completely head-over-heels in love with a person who treats you bad. It is possible to love a person who abuses you, or knocks you down, or keeps you from forming meaningful friendships. 

You can be in a relationship where you and your significant other both love each other very much but insecurities from one or both of you lead you to act in ways that are unhealthy. Things like being jealous, over-protective, or controlling. There are many cases where we enable each other to continue unhealthy behaviors like drugs and alcohol. The list can go on and on. 

The bottom line is even if you are in love, you need to be in a healthy relationship. Both parties need to be with people who treat them with respect and allow them to live a meaningful, fulfilling, happy life. Healthy relationships involve communication, give and take, compromise. They are about supporting one another through good times and bad. They are about arguing and learning from those arguments. They are about growth. Often times unhealthy relationships are not able to grow. They can be toxic.

Even the truest of love is not worth it if it is unhealthy. We have to take care of ourselves. This one life is short and we deserve to live our happiest life with a person who understands that means to us. In many cases, counseling can help a couple who might not be behaving the healthiest to develop a new normal. A licensed counselor can provide guidance, tools, and accountability. 

You don’t have to be alone

So often we try to fill the void in our hearts with something. We feel alone, sad like something is missing. We enter relationships with the wrong people. We turn to unhealthy habits like overeating, alcohol, shopping, gambling, or drugs. We are desperately trying to feel whole. In truth, there is only one true thing that can fill that void, one thing that cures our loneliness—its love. But, not love for another or love for a thing, it is love for yourself. 

Learn to love yourself

When you learn to love yourself, you are not alone anymore. You don’t need to find a person, a thing, or a vice to cure your loneliness. You just need to dig deep inside and recognize your inner being, all the beautiful things about you. Now I know that for some of you this is a hard thing to accomplish. It is that voice in your head that is always telling you what you did wrong, how you messed up, how bad you look in that shirt, or how much weight you have put on. And to that, I say— stop! Shut that voice down in your head. Stop the negative self-talk. When you tell yourself something over and over you begin to believe it. It is all you can hear. 

Go out and live your life

Recognize all the good about yourself. And believe me, there is so much of it. Love yourself for the wonderful human being you are. Love yourself for being uniquely you. Identify your strengths, all the positives and lift yourself up. Cut yourself some slack. None of us are perfect. Stop comparing yourself to others. End your loneliness, and love you. Fill that gap with an appreciation for your life and go out and live it. 

What does empowerment mean?

Have you ever thought about the real meaning of empowerment? What does it really truly mean to be empowered? The dictionary says it is the “authority or power given to someone to do something,” or “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.” 

Empowerment is simple

Empowerment is simple. It comes down to one thing—choices. Having the freedom to choose something. It is having options in life. You can choose to go down this path, or this other. You can choose to go back to school or to take the job. You can choose to marry this man or wait it out. You can choose to stay true to you, or to follow others. You can choose to lift other up, or to bring them down. You have choices. You have the CHOICE to choose your path. You are in charge of you. You don’t have to do what others have “planned” for you. You can go your own way. You can follow your heart. You can feel empowered. 

You can learn to advocate for yourself, to reach inside your soul and find your inner strength. It is there, you just have to find it and let it show its face. You can empower others by lifting them up instead of putting them down. Put downs do nothing. They cause harm and achieve absolutely nada. Wouldn’t you rather give people compliments, encourage them when they are down, and point out the good instead of the bad so that they too can be empowered to go after their dreams.

It is like the quote my yoga teacher told me the other day— “You can stay in bed and keep dreaming your dreams, or you can get up and go after those dreams.” There is no better time than now to start being each others cheering squad, including your own. 

Sick of people taking advantage of you?

People know a good deal when they see one, which is great, except when that “good deal” is you. Always being the one that is called on to step in, help out, or get the job done, can leave you feeling used, resentful, and overwhelmed.

The People-Pleaser

I am talking about being that person who never says “no,” the people-pleaser. The good news is you don’t have to go on like this. You can establish boundaries and teach the people around you how you want to be treated. You can learn how to say “no,” to do the things that make you happy and turn down the things that do not. Stop enabling. 

First things first, you should ask yourself why you feel like you need to please others? What drives you to never say “no?” Does it have to do with your self-confidence, or wanting to be liked/respected, etc. Are you trying to compete with others around you or prove something to yourself or others? Whatever it is, come to terms with it. Taking on all these things and being “walked” on is not good for you. You are worthy of your time. Your time is important. 

Establish boundaries. Be firm but permeable. I am not telling you to shut out the world and turn down everything. I am encouraging you to figure out the things you would like to be doing and do those things. It will do wonder for the relationships in your life because you feel better about how you are spending your days. You won’t feel the resentment you have felt. For example, if you have a friend or family member who is always expecting you to run errands or always wants to borrow money from you, let them know that ends now. Tell them nicely yet firmly that you are not comfortable helping in this way anymore. They may get mad for a little while, but eventually, they will learn to respect your time and energy. 

You need to take care of you before you can fully take care of anyone else. You need to create your own happiness. Put your foot down where needed and get back to doing the things that leave you going to bed with a smile on your face. 

If you need help getting started seek out a licensed counseling professional, they can help you begin the conversation. 

When he wants to be alone

My friend’s boyfriend enjoys playing tennis, and so does my friend. They have a lot of fun playing together but sometimes he just wants to go to the courts to hit the ball off the wall. It is therapeutic for him and helps him to relieve the stress of the day. The other day my friend told me she was concerned that he didn’t love her because he didn’t always want her to come along to play. 

This is a common question I hear so I told her what I frequently tell others — just because he wants to be alone does not mean he doesn’t love or care for you. Sometimes we just need that time to decompress and be in our own heads. We all have different ways of relieving stress. For her boyfriend it was hitting a ball off a wall, for her, it is reading a book and taking a bath. We all need time alone. Some of us need more time than others and it can all depend on how much stress we have in our lives at the time. While I understand how she could worry he doesn’t want to spend time with her, it is just his way of taking care of himself so that he can come home and be more fully present with her. 

It is healthy for us to set boundaries when we need that time, and it is not meant to hurt her. Chances are his time alone at the courts has little to do with her at all and it is all because he needs to work through the problems of the day. He needs to have a little room to breathe and process. It is healthy. I urged her to talk to him when he got home, ask him about his day and spend time together in other ways. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean you have to spend every moment together. You each are still individual people who need to care for yourselves before you can care for the relationship. 

How do you spend your alone time?