When your wife “doesn’t love you anymore”…

We get it. It is earth shattering when your wife tells you something is wrong with your marriage. You might have thought everything was good and bam! You are blind-sighted. 

Rome doesn’t take one day to build. Things may have lost connection long before you noticed. Somewhere along the way, things got lost, and your wife doesn’t feel like she wants to—or can—open up to you. Resentment may have built along the way. Maybe you were too busy to notice she was acting different, more distant from you. 

Repairing what is broken

Take a deep breath, and consider these five tips:

1.)Don’t try to fix it. Fixing it is more about your own anxiety about what is happening with your spouse than your relationship with your spouse. Listen.

2.)Stop being defensive. Both parties had a role in the unfolding of this relationship. This is not one-sided and it does not help anything to think or act like it is. Accept and understand there are things both of you need to improve if you want to make this work. 

3.) Don’t ambush her. Every time you see her in the hallway or the kitchen don’t turn it into an in-depth conversation about the state of your relationship. It is no doubt a stressful time but there is a time and a place to talk. Find a time when you are both ready to sit down, and not feel pressured or rushed. Don’t make it constant.

4.)Don’t expect, or try, to jump right into the lovey-dovey stuff like before. Try for liking each other first. Things are not going to go from 0-60 in an instant. This stuff takes time. Instead take it slow.

5.) Don’t try to dig out alone. A qualified couples counselor can help you through it. A counseling office can provide neutral territory and a counselor can make sure the right questions are being asked. 

This is a difficult time, but marriage isn’t supposed to be easy. This stuff takes work and effort from both parties. Take the time. Talk. Listen. Open your mind to understanding. Come up with a plan. Call a qualified counselor, such as Women’s Therapy Institute where we can help. 

4 thoughts on “When your wife “doesn’t love you anymore”…

  1. Good afternoon, I’m seeking help with my marriage of 6 years with 1 child at the age of 1 going on 2 this month, my wife currently told me she isn’t as happy as she wishes and feels like she doesnt need me, I just got out of the military October 22nd, is there anything I can get help with

    1. Hi Anthony, I DM you after your reply. I am not sure if you got it. I hope I answered some of your question over email. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. My wife of almost ten years and two children with told me she has no feelings for me anymore and wants a divorce. I treated her badly for a long time. Is there anything I can do to get a millionth chance.

    1. I am sorry to hear and I am not sure. I suggest talking to a therapist about what you want in a relationship with her, reason you treated her badly, what you are willing to do to save this relationship, and put something in action plan. She may or may not turn around, ultimately it’s up to her to give you a millionth chance but talking to a therapist may show her that you are sincere and not just all talk.

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