Why we shouldn’t unconditionally love

Unconditional love makes sense for things that people have no control over like their skin color, abilities, disabilities, or if they are laid-off from a job. But, when people have a choice and they choose to be unkind we have the right to create boundaries.  We don’t have to, in fact, we should not, always unconditionally love another. 

We don’t have to put up with other people taking advantage of us, being mean or rude to us, or hurting us in any way. Saying that we should “always love unconditionally” is saying that we should not consider our own personal wellbeing, our feelings, and emotions about a situation. Instead, it is helpful to look at people and their actions as a choice vs. no choice. 

Loving others for the things they have no choice over is healthy while loving others for the unkind things they choose to do to us is not healthy. We need to stand up for ourselves, protect ourselves from wrongdoing by establishing boundaries with those that are toxic to our wellbeing. Loving unconditionally sets a tone that says people can walk all over us with no consequences.

Unconditional love is great for our children who are young and don’t have the capacity to always understand their actions and how they could be hurtful. But, for an adult partner, family member, or friend who makes the choice to hurt physically or emotionally, we have the right to set boundaries. 

What do you think about love? Should it be unconditional?

2 thoughts on “Why we shouldn’t unconditionally love

  1. I absolutely disagree. I believe we should be brave enough to make the decision to love our partners unconditionally. Loving unconditional is not a weakness but is a decision we make to show true intimacy in our relationships. Showing vulnerability is truly scary for most people because they are afraid of being hurt and betrayed, but real love comes from giving that trust into your partner and if they do something that hurts you, you trust that they will listen when you are honest about how you feel. We should never reach a point where we try to control our partners but we should always trust that they will fix anything that is wrong. If your partner is continually purposely betraying loyalty, honesty or fidelity and you have been hurt again and again. Then, it is okay to pull back and reconsider the relationship. But unless you risk the vulnerability and give it to your partner, you will never truly be connected. The benefits of giving unconditional love and receiving it back is a strong connection between two people where you grow together and have this level of intimacy that brings you ultimate happiness. You might or not find it with the first person you try with but you should always be brave enough to give it a try. If you find trouble getting to the point of loving unconditional, practice loving yourself first by getting to know more about yourself. Journal daily your goals and beliefs, meditate and practice unconditional love everyday with someone who least deserves it. This will only make you feel good and practice the feeling of unconditional love.

    1. Hi Edward, thank you for your comment. I think we are on the same page. There is nothing wrong with loving someone unconditionally for something they cannot control/change such as skin colors, physical abilities, etc. Unconditional love need to apply to children as well. This post is talking about pulling back if someone chooses to hurt us.

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