True love doesn’t mean healthy love

I understand true love. The intense feelings you can have for another. That whole, complete kind of love. But, I also understand healthy love and the two can look very different. 

Emotions vs. Behaviors

There is a big difference between emotions and behaviors. Emotions are what we feel on the inside, while behaviors are our actions. You can be completely head-over-heels in love with a person who treats you bad. It is possible to love a person who abuses you, or knocks you down, or keeps you from forming meaningful friendships. 

You can be in a relationship where you and your significant other both love each other very much but insecurities from one or both of you lead you to act in ways that are unhealthy. Things like being jealous, over-protective, or controlling. There are many cases where we enable each other to continue unhealthy behaviors like drugs and alcohol. The list can go on and on. 

The bottom line is even if you are in love, you need to be in a healthy relationship. Both parties need to be with people who treat them with respect and allow them to live a meaningful, fulfilling, happy life. Healthy relationships involve communication, give and take, compromise. They are about supporting one another through good times and bad. They are about arguing and learning from those arguments. They are about growth. Often times unhealthy relationships are not able to grow. They can be toxic.

Even the truest of love is not worth it if it is unhealthy. We have to take care of ourselves. This one life is short and we deserve to live our happiest life with a person who understands that means to us. In many cases, counseling can help a couple who might not be behaving the healthiest to develop a new normal. A licensed counselor can provide guidance, tools, and accountability.