Tag Archives: yes

Sick of people taking advantage of you?

People know a good deal when they see one, which is great, except when that “good deal” is you. Always being the one that is called on to step in, help out, or get the job done, can leave you feeling used, resentful, and overwhelmed.

The People-Pleaser

I am talking about being that person who never says “no,” the people-pleaser. The good news is you don’t have to go on like this. You can establish boundaries and teach the people around you how you want to be treated. You can learn how to say “no,” to do the things that make you happy and turn down the things that do not. Stop enabling. 

First things first, you should ask yourself why you feel like you need to please others? What drives you to never say “no?” Does it have to do with your self-confidence, or wanting to be liked/respected, etc. Are you trying to compete with others around you or prove something to yourself or others? Whatever it is, come to terms with it. Taking on all these things and being “walked” on is not good for you. You are worthy of your time. Your time is important. 

Establish boundaries. Be firm but permeable. I am not telling you to shut out the world and turn down everything. I am encouraging you to figure out the things you would like to be doing and do those things. It will do wonder for the relationships in your life because you feel better about how you are spending your days. You won’t feel the resentment you have felt. For example, if you have a friend or family member who is always expecting you to run errands or always wants to borrow money from you, let them know that ends now. Tell them nicely yet firmly that you are not comfortable helping in this way anymore. They may get mad for a little while, but eventually, they will learn to respect your time and energy. 

You need to take care of you before you can fully take care of anyone else. You need to create your own happiness. Put your foot down where needed and get back to doing the things that leave you going to bed with a smile on your face. 

If you need help getting started seek out a licensed counseling professional, they can help you begin the conversation. 

Not enough time? Try this to Improve your productivity and fulfillment

In life, there are things that excite us. They make us feel alive and joyful. Then there are the other things, the things that make us say “Ummm…” and don’t provide joy. They are the things we may feel obligated to do or the things we do just to give them a shot but they feel more like work than something we want to be focused on. These things can be time eaters, energy eaters and they leave us less time and energy to focus on the things that truly make us happy. 

As my time gets filled up more and more these days, I have made a “hell yes” list and “hell no” list. Ten percent of my list are absolute “hell yes” items and another 10% are absolute “hell no” items. Those items are non-negotiable, meaning I will either be definitely doing them or definitely not. The other 80% of things are in-between. Of the in-between items, I try to say “yes” to 25% of the things and “no” to the other 75%. Why? Because that way all that energy I was focusing on things that did not bring me joy can be focused on the things that I want to be doing. 

This is a great way for me, as life gets busier and more overwhelming, to keep things in perspective. I want to live a joyful, fulfilling life but in order to do that I need to focus the majority of my energy on the things that make me feel good to be alive. They are the things I look forward to waking up to. The things that make me feel good, and make me a better person. Of course, we have those things we have to do that we don’t really want to but by limiting how much of our time we spend on those things we have more time for the things we really love. Life is short, don’t waste your time on the stuff that doesn’t drive your soul. 

What is on your “hell yes” list?