Tag Archives: smart

How to ask for a prenup

Explaining to your fiancé your desire to have a prenuptial agreement can be difficult. It is a touchy conversation that often can result in an argument because, in order to talk about a prenup, you have to talk about divorce. 

Talking about divorce before you have even walked down the aisle can seem counterproductive. It might come off as hurtful. Or it might seem to your partner that you are not fully invested in the relationship. But, let’s be real. Divorce rates are staggeringly high. Half of all marriages will end at some point. Even if you insist that won’t be you, different people have different reasons for wanting that prenuptial document. Maybe you witnessed a friend or family member lose everything in a messy divorce and you want to protect yourself. Or, maybe you just want to feel like you are being responsible. Whatever the reason, if it is something you feel passionately about then you need to have a conversation. 

So, how do you approach such a sensitive topic?

1.) Prepare — Before starting the discussion, grab a piece of paper and fold it in half. Write down ten reasons why you want a prenup on one side and then write down potential responses from your partner on the other side. Being mentally prepared for the discussion and what might come up is key. You need to have a deep understanding of what you want and why you want it. Be authentic and honest with your reasoning. 

2.) Have a conversation, don’t issue demands — Instead of saying “we are getting a prenup,” say “let’s talk about a prenup—what do you think about getting one?” Wait for he/she/they to answer before responding.

3.) Stay calm—Avoid being defensive or argumentative. Don’t get worked up that your partner may not agree with you. That will only make it worse. 

4.)Really listen, ask questions — Have an open mind. Listen and try to see your partner’s perspective as well as your own. 

5.)Talk about it as early as you can — Don’t wait until the week before your wedding to have this conversation. Even though you might know what you want, your partner might not have thought of it in detail. They will need time to assess their feelings and maybe some space to consider your reasoning. If the conversation does not go over well consider approaching the topic again at a later date.

Getting a prenup does not mean your marriage is doomed from the beginning. It just means you want to be prepared for the worst case scenario, and that is ok. The best thing you can do is keep communicating with each other about your thoughts and feelings. 

What do you think about prenups? 

Smart Persistency vs. Dumb Persistency

Persistency is important in life. But, there are different ways to be persistent. There is the smart way and the not-so-smart way. 

Learning from failure

Smart persistency is having a goal in mind and tweaking things in order to get closer to making that goal a reality. It is getting up when you fail and trying again while learning from your mistakes. It is not letting mishaps get you down but rather taking a different approach. Maybe you have applied for the same job over and over again and you just aren’t getting it. Smart persistency is looking at what isn’t working in your job application. Maybe it is re-working your resume or changing up your cover letter. Or, you could be trying to master skiing, or some other sport, and it is just not clicking. It is looking at what is making you fail and trying to improve on it. 

Dumb persistency is continuing to try but not making any changes. It is getting down on yourself because you keep failing but not trying to improve in other ways. It is ignoring past mistakes instead of learning from them. It is important that you keep trying but you also need to take a deeper look at what is working and what isn’t. Maybe it is making a list to compare each try, or talking to a friend or colleague to get an outside opinion on the matter. If you continue to try in the exact way you have been, you will most likely continue to face failure. 

Being persistent is important. Without persistence, a lot of things in this world would not have been created. If Thomas Edison had given up on the light bulb, it is possible there would be no light bulb. He was persistent in his efforts, and each time he applied something new he had learned from previous failures. Don’t give up, just be smart about it. 

What is something you have been persistent about, and ultimately achieved?