Self-esteem is a tricky thing. It plays an important role in our lives. It influences how we act around others, the decisions we make, how motivated we are in our career, and how we feel in our own skin. It is at our very core as people. And, while it is a crucial factor for both men and women, the way the different genders find that self-esteem, determine their self-worth, is very different.
Men find self-esteem internally. It is based on their personal accomplishments, things they are proud of. Maybe it is fixing a car, repairing a household appliance, achieving a career goal, or tackling a level in a video game. Regardless it is not about someone else telling them they did a good job, it is about that internal celebration and belief in themselves. That is not to say that it doesn’t help to have praise, but men don’t need it to find their self-esteem.
Women, on the other hand, tend to find their self-esteem externally. They rely more on external validation — be it praise, a “good job,” a smile, hug, laugh, whatever it may be. Women, while they might know deep inside that they have done a good job, still need to hear it from others. They have a harder time trusting in themselves and a harder time feeling good about their achievements without receiving some type of external validation. This is also why women tend to spend a lot more time worrying about their outward appearance — be it the cleanliness or look of their home, or their personal appearance.
You don’t see a lot of men worrying about the look of their wallet, and a lot more men are inclined to go out in sweats and not care what others think of them. Whereas a lot of women won’t leave the house without makeup or their hair done.
It is these differences that can make it harder for women to have high self-esteem. Women worry much more about what others are thinking of them than men do. I frequently encourage women to look deep inside and find those good qualities about themselves and to let go of what others may think. What is inside is what really counts, and how we talk to ourselves can make a big difference.