Tag Archives: dating

Don’t be someone’s second choice

Being someone’s second choice means thinking less of yourself. It means not being treated the way you deserve. It means never being put first. Don’t be someone’s second choice. You deserve better. 

When you are the second choice you are often the one waiting by the phone, leaving your days open-ended hoping to be included in plans but often being left disappointed that you were not. The second choice is often stood up, left hanging, or pushed aside for the person that comes before. 

You deserve to be appreciated

It is not a good feeling to always be the one who is trying the hardest in a relationship and never really feeling appreciated. The second choice will go the extra mile to get the attention, hoping that someday they might be the first choice. It means long nights staring at your phone hoping it will ring.

If this sounds like you. Stop. Appreciate yourself. 

If you are someone’s second choice, go elsewhere. Let go of he/she/they and find the person that will put you first. Everyone has a person. Everyone has someone that will call them first, that will appreciate their efforts, that will love them completely. 

Love can make you crazy, it blurs your vision and makes it hard to see beyond a person but at some point, you have to put yourself first. You have to take care of you. You have to look at the facts: you are spending more time unhappy fighting for this thing you think is best for you when in reality it is not good for you at all. Reevaluate your life and break free. Don’t settle for second best, don’t settle for being the leftovers, don’t settle on being someone’s silver, instead be someone’s gold. 

Ask Mabel: ‘I am dating a guy my friend has dated’

Letter from concerned client: I just started dating a guy that my friend used to date. They went on a couple dates and it didn’t go anywhere. Even though they had nothing serious, I am still afraid my friend will be mad when she finds out. What do I do? How do I approach this with her?

Mabel: I understand how this could be a daunting and scary conversation as you are worried it could damage your friendship. The best way to approach this situation is to tell her as soon as possible. If she were to find out thorough the grapevine she would think you were trying to hide it from her and it would be more hurtful. It is best if you open up to her. Have the conversation. Show her you value her friendship. It will make both of you feel better to talk it out, get it off your chest and give her a chance to tell you how she feels about it. Have the conversation face-to-face to make it as genuine and heart-felt as possible. Avoid doing it over the phone, and definitely do not do it through text message. Those ways of communicating won’t come off as meaningful to her. Approach the conversation as “I want to let you know because I value our friendship and didn’t want you to find out from anyone else.” Let her know that you do care about her feelings. She will likely appreciate your honesty, and if it does bother her she will be able to let you know. Having an open floor for conversation will ease tensions across the board and will help to avoid any damage to your friendship.