Tag Archives: choose

chasing happiness

You Can Create Your Happiness

As a society, we are always looking for that one thing that is going to make us happy. We think “if I lose those 10 pounds, I will be so much happier”; “if I buy the house”; “if I get the job”; etc. While achieving a goal or finally getting that thing we have wanted sooo bad will make us happy for a bit, that kind of happiness doesn’t last. 

Real, long-lasting, true-to-yourself happiness is something we create. You have heard it before, and frankly it’s true—you can choose happiness. But how? 

The happiest of people have honed in on particular habits, here are a few to get you started on the road to a happier you:

1.) Slow down — Happy people slow down to appreciate the little moments in life. They take the moment to soak up the way their child laughs or talks, the smile on a significant others face, the laughter of a friend, the beauty of a clean home, a full fridge, or a beautiful sunrise. 

2.) Exercise — Happy people are active. They get out there and get moving. Exercise leads to the release of the neurotransmitter GABA which helps to soothe the brain. It also leads to the release of feel-good hormones. It is a natural mood booster.

3.) Surround Yourself In Good Company — Getting rid of the toxic people in your life, letting go of the ones who are always being negative, can do wonders for your mood. Surround yourself with positive people and your mood and outlook will follow. 

4.) Spend Money On Others — Yes, it can be fun to buy yourself a new pair of shoes or splurge on a fancy vacation but it can feel even better to spend money on others. Treating a friend to dinner, surprising your sister with a coat she has had her eye on, donating meals to the homeless, buying an outfit for a child in need, lifting others up feels good. 

5.) Get Sleep — Sleep is so important for your mood. If you feel rundown and exhausted everything is harder, it all takes more effort and you just don’t feel well. Get sleep and you will feel better and be healthier. 

6.) Have a Growth Mindset — If you don’t believe you can change or grow as a person then you are stuck, you are stagnant in your life. If you have the mindset that you are a fluid human being, you can grow and change with time, then you believe change is possible. It is a much more positive outlook. 

7.) Work At It— Being happy is not something that just comes to a person. It takes effort. A supremely happy person is checking in with themselves often. They make decisions based on their happiness levels. For example, they are exhausted from working hard at the office so they decide to take the night off and go to bed early. Or, they need a mood boost so they decide to hit the gym on the way home, or stop and watch the sunset.

Happiness is possible for everyone, no matter their life circumstances. It just takes some healthy habits and a healthy mindset. A licensed counselor can help you get there if you need some assistance. 

The best time to be a stay-at-home parent isn’t what you think…

Being home with your children when they are babies is full of cuddles and cuteness. It can be a great experience for mom and child. But, if you are forced to choose a time in your child’s life to be home with them, or even to cut hours at work to be more available, it’s not when they are babies. 

I hear the shock and awe—and maybe even anger—at that statement but before you get all hot and bothered at the idea that I am recommending you skip the extra cuddles and kisses, hear me out. Yes, when our children are babies it is a beautiful, wonderful time in their lives and if you are able to be home with them that can be a wonderful gift. But, when it comes to your child’s needs, safety, and your mental sanity, the best time to be home with them is the middle and high school years. 

Middle and high school is a rough age. There is a lot going on with your child’s body, socially, and mentally. They need you more. They are becoming teenagers, daring kids. They are breaking boundaries, stepping outside of comfort zones, and defying your wishes. You are likely beginning to worry quite a bit about what they are up to. You are concerned about their health and their behaviors. The reason to stay home with your child in middle/high school is to protect them. 

Babies are adorable. They are cute. They are cuddly, and yes I encourage you to soak all that up. Cherish those moments. But, if you are a forced to choose a time to be home more, think about what might impact them more as adults, think about all the realities they are being faced with as teenagers and choose to be there for them. These are crucial years in your child’s life. They are likely feeling a lot of uncertainty and confusion. They are trying to fit in with their peers, be the “cool” kid, and they think they are smarter and more mature than they really are. It is a fantastic time to be on top of them. To teach them valuable life lessons. To make sure they are sticking to their word. And, to show them you support them, you love them, and you just want the very best for them. They may not engage with you fully, the way they did as a kid, but be present with them and catch them when they fall.

Let me be clear—if you don’t need to make the choice about when to be home, then great, and if you have no choice but to work, that is ok too. Don’t kick yourself if you can’t stay home, and if you don’t want to give up your career entirely you definitely do not need to be home full-time. There is nothing that says you have to be home with your child but regardless try to be present with them as much as possible. 

How do you know there isn’t someone better?

Someone asked me the other day — ‘how do I know I won’t find someone better than my partner?’ The person went on to tell me how they wanted to make sure there wasn’t a better choice before becoming exclusive with the person they had been seeing. 

The truth is, there is always someone “better” if you choose to think about it that way. You will always come across people that are more fun, funnier, handsomer, smarter, or whatever qualities you are looking for. Committing to another person is a choice. It is not based on all that external stuff. When you decide to go all in with another person, you are making the conscious decision to shut down all the external noise. Stop comparing him/her to that coworker, or the guy that works in the office down the hall. Shut down the date search, and that cute guy that keeps talking about having dinner with you. 

Choosing to commit is choosing to be with that one person— who probably isn’t always going to be the best in the room. But they should be the one that feels right for you. By committing you are choosing to accept that person as they are, and to close the door to the other options. If you spend your life always searching for the ‘best’ or the ‘better’ option then you will likely always find something, but will you be happy? 

When did you choose to commit?