The other day I read a story about a child who was running on the pool deck at the local swimming area. The lifeguard told the child to walk, as to be expected around a big hole of water. But what happened next was shocking. The dad went up to the lifeguard and told him to not tell his child what to do, he (the dad) would decide what the child was and was not allowed to do.
Now, I know this is not every parent and I also know that everyone has their own parenting styles. I am not one to judge. The part of this that irked me most was they were in a public area where there was a trained professional, whose sole job it is to keep everyone as safe as possible and minimize risks. That lifeguard was just doing his job, and couldn’t dad see and respect the fact that it is not safe for a child to be running around a pool. Not to mention, if you are at a public pool you need to follow its rules.
Regardless, I think this situation was an example of a larger problem in parenting these days. We are afraid to step on each other’s toes, to parent each other’s children. I agree that there are right times and wrong times for intervention. But when it comes to the greater good of all the children involved it should be understood. If my child hit another child, and I missed it, I would respect another parent telling my child that was not nice and then coming to tell me the situation so I could take it from there.
How are we preparing our kids for the real world if they are only supposed to take direction from us? We won’t be around forever, and we definitely are not involved in every single situation as our children are. Don’t we want to teach them to respect authority, within reason (obviously)? We do, of course, want to teach our kids what boundaries are and when an adult might be crossing those boundaries. But, we also want them to understand there are rules in the world that need to be followed. We do not steal. We do not hurt another. And, it might not be a good idea to run at the pool.
What do you think?
The teenage years are crucial for a number of reasons—personal and emotional development, self-confidence, and it’s usually your last chance to have your child at home. While your teen is still living under the same roof, it’s a great time to teach them the tools for healthy relationships that can set them up for life.
Teach your teens to be honest and upfront. It is always easiest to “ghost”—or avoid—an uncomfortable situation. Many teens fear confrontation and would rather walk away, not answer the phone, not reply to the text, not speak to a person, etc. This is avoidance and it is not healthy for any relationship. It is passive-aggressive behavior that can be harmful in adult life in many ways, not just romantically. It can impact jobs, professional relationships, friendships, etc.
You can help discourage your teen from ghosting by setting an example. If they do something approach them about it, rather than ignoring. Have the conversations. Open the doors to communication. Teach your teen the benefits of honesty. It may be uncomfortable for a bit, it may result in anger or distress, but ultimately it will lead to better results. Relief off your chest. Forgiveness. Openness. Respect for others. If your teen shares with you issues at school, work, or in friendships encourage them to face their problems head-on.
Explain to your teen that avoiding problems usually leads them to compound into bigger issues later. By taking the small steps to act on issues as they come up, they will be setting the stage to have better relationships with those around them, to make smarter decisions, and to open more doors personally and professionally. Nobody likes a ghoster. Teach your teen that ghosting can be seen as disrespectful, weak, and “giving up.”
As a parent you want your teen to be successful in life. You want them to make smart choices and be respectful to others. These are important lessons that you have the ability to teach them before they experience the harshness of the world on their own. Even if you aren’t really sure if your teen is listening or absorbing the information you are trying to teach them, keep at it. Setting an example as a parent can go a long way.