Acceptance is an important part of healing. It is a necessary step to begin moving forward. But, just because you have gotten to the acceptance stage doesn’t mean that all your grieving is done.
Acceptance of a loss does not mean you won’t feel sad at times or lament every once in a while. You still might have moments where grief overtakes. You still might feel overwhelmed with sadness at times, and that is ok.
Still Have Moments
Loss of any kind is difficult to accept but even after you learn to embrace your reality you will still be faced with moments. After all, you once had this person, pet, home, a career that you loved, that was part of you and you will still miss it.
Part of acceptance is learning to live with loss and to allow yourself to feel those moments of sadness. Don’t tuck it away or shrug it off, let yourself live it and then move slowly back into your present reality. The loss that you are grieving is just as much a part of you as the person, place, thing that you once had.
Find The Joy
These moments, while difficult to endure, are little reminders to look at what we still do have in our lives. They teach us to find the joy in the little things and embrace the moments of peace that fall between the moments of grief.
If you are struggling with moving through grief or loss of any kind, it may be helpful to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional. They can help you through to the acceptance stage and give suggestions on how to move forward through the sad times. You are stronger than you think. Your loss is meaningful. It is important. It is not forgotten. It is ok to have moments, to live them, to be in your grief. It is ok.
No matter what the relationship entails, breaking up is hard. It means change and uncertainty over the future. It can easily unravel your current life as you know it. You are probably feeling overwhelmed with all the emotions as you go through the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. There it is.
You will get there. You will find acceptance. But how do you do it? How are you suppose to move forward? It is all in the power of your thinking.
Someone once told me that accepting a break up means there is no future with that ex. No wonder that person was struggling with moving on — why would the heart want to move forward when it sees no future? That is a pretty bleak and daunting way to think about your future life. Rather than looking at the break up as the end of everything, pivot your viewpoint.
The reality is — we do.not.know if down the road you might have a new beginning with your ex. So much can happen in the future. You don’t know if you will meet someone new, someone, you have an even stronger connection with. Regardless of what the future may hold, you have to accept the end of this current relationship (as you know it) before you are able to move forward.
You have to let the death process of the current relationship take place. Travel through those five stages of grief so you can find a new beginning. Don’t prevent yourself from having a future relationship by avoiding acceptance. Just because this one relationship is currently over, does not mean there is no hope for the future. There is so much potential. So many different ways events can take place and shape our lives. Make the conscious choice to change your thinking and find the positive.
There is a difference between accepting and just “tolerating” your partner. Relationships are hard. You are each your own person, you have your own personalities, your own similarities and differences.
Love and Kindness
When you accept your partner you are wholeheartedly loving and receiving him/her. Acceptance comes from love and kindness. It comes from the heart. When you accept someone you have tolerance built-in. You are accepting your partner as they are and tolerating their imperfections because you love them and appreciate them. If you agreed 100 percent with everything your partner did it wouldn’t really be much of a relationship. No one is perfect. Everyone does things we don’t like/agree with but when you really love someone you learn how to tolerate those things. At least when they aren’t detrimental to the relationship as a whole.
On its own tolerance doesn’t come from love or kindness. It is not stopping the other person’s behavior. It comes from external motivation — whether it be to not get into trouble or receive judgment. Tolerating another person often has resentment. It does not come from the heart. It does not come from a genuine concern or care for the other person. It comes from personal fear or gain. If you just “tolerate” your partner or their behavior you don’t really care about the backbone of the relationship, which is acceptance.
In situations where I see a partner is just “tolerating” his/her partner’s actions, I encourage them to talk about it. To try to work towards acceptance. To minimize resentment, which can overtime build and ultimately destroy a relationship.