‘I just want someone to love me.’

“I just want someone to love me”- Let’s think about this phrase for a minute because we hear it quite often, right?

In a survey conducted by The Body Shop and Ipsos, a market research firm through November and December 2020 with more than 22,000 people in 21 different countries,  60 percent of women wished they had more respect for themselves and one in two felt more self-doubt than self-love. While it might seem harmless on the surface, is it really?

It’s true—everyone does want to be loved. Everyone wants to feel cared for, appreciated, and truly madly loved. But this method of thinking about it is dangerous. This thought process could be what is leading some of us into bad relationships. 

We are thinking we want this one thing so badly that we are losing touch with the process of connecting with another. We are losing ourselves. Because we are desperate to feel loved, we are jumping into any old relationship and staying in it, regardless of whether we are happy or not.

Love yourself

Are you relying on someone else to fill your bucket? What about you? What about your goals, your hopes, and dreams, the stuff that makes you special? You need to work on filling your own bucket and finding that love inside you so you are not so reliant on others. Learn to love yourself. It can be a difficult thing to do but it is crucial to your happiness. The only person you can ever truly rely on in life is yourself. You need to take care of yourself, to trust in yourself so that you can find that true connection with another. 

It is amazing what can happen when we love ourselves. The relationships we get into are healthy ones, they are beneficial to us and truly meaningful. They are not born out of desperation or need but rather true attraction and connection. So rather than relying on others, we need to start relying on ourselves. Fill your bucket. Do what you need to do for yourself before you go hunting for love. 

10 thoughts on “‘I just want someone to love me.’

  1. Yes, indeed. We need to learn to love ourselves first before anything else. So instead of relying our happiness to others. I am totally agree we should start to trust ourselves that we can be happy and truly love ourselves. Thank you so much for sharing.

  2. I already love myself. I have excellent health. a job I love, financial stability, safe home life, good friends and families. I am having a void that only an intimate partner can fill. Not only the sexual void, but the emotional and companionship void that neither friends nor family members can fill.

    1. Thank you for commenting, Sakon! You rock for loving yourself!!! It makes sense. Friendship love and familial love are definitely different than intimate/romantic love. We have different “love buckets” that can get filled by different types of relationships.

    2. I completely understand because I am in the same situation. I had hoped that by meeting my goals, working on my self esteem and appearance, staying very active in church, work, family, and friends that this would help fill this void, but it does not.
      I guess that it is a thorn that I must learn to live with.

      1. Hi Phyllis, thank you for commenting. It doesn’t have to be a thorn. Do you have a therapist to talk to about this?

  3. It’s so difficult when you’ve never been alone! I’ve been in relationships since I was 14! My dad abused my trust and was put in prison when I was 14. I was married for 20 years and separated last July. Since then I have been speaking and meeting up with guys but it’s never worked out. I am so alone! Loving yourself is something I have never had to and now I have to force myself. I’m 41 years old now

  4. Exactly, I love myself, it’s not like I’m desperate for some love but we’ll sometimes I can’t help craving that romantic intimate love with a partner. Though I’ve got Hella high expectations and I’m demi-sexual so my romance will probably be on the slow pace, it’s sad cause guys and girls nowadays are just not that emotionally involved in relationships so it will be harder for people like me that really crave deep relationships. I find myself wishing this is like fanfictions were I have my soulmates name written on my body and vice versa and when we meet it glows or something lol I’m hopeless.

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